The Brutally Honest 4-Step Guide To Losing Weight That Has Gone Absolutely Viral


You’ve stopped drinking alcohol months ago, so now when you hang out at bars or parties you don’t talk to anyone new. But with your new body and new clothes, gorgeous women hit on you constantly. One time, a woman literally comes up to you and says she thinks you’d be good in bed and hands you a napkin with her number on it.

As she is talking to you, her hand resting on your chest inside your shirt, all you can think of is how badly you need to beat your best time sprinting across the park across from your house the next day. That night when you get home you research the best shoes for trail running and click “buy”. The shoes are a hundred dollars. The phone number goes in the trash.

There is a girl you see a lot at the gym, who always does these weird leg exercises you’ve never seen before. She’s beautiful. You make it a point to not look at her – because you are overly worried about looking creepy like that guy in the blue shirt who never wears underwear and always hangs around the lat pulldown machine – but you notice this girl is always at the gym when you are, and seems to always choose the bench next to you. You turn up the Slayer and concentrate on making your puddles bigger.

lower back pain exercises - wall squats

Your ex parades her new boyfriend around, flatly ignoring you the entire time. He is taller than you, more ripped than you, better looking than you, and – according to the Greek chorus of your mutual friends – he comes from money.

As you watch her introduce him to everyone but you, you remember how her blue eyes lit up underneath the ferris wheel on her birthday when you gave her those bracelets she’s wearing. In your pocket, your hand makes itself into a fist.

That night, you deadlift your body weight. You sneak a photo of yourself in the mirror and email it to yourself with the subject heading “You Are A Warrior”. The next day you are disgusted with yourself and delete it.

You make puddle after puddle after puddle and eat single chicken breasts and work and sleep and the weather gets warm and then gets cold and you know all of Taylor Swift’s songs by heart and the only things that exist in the entire universe are you and The Gym and then something different happens: a night comes where you are not the last person in the gym.


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  1. Crystal
  2. Miles Maker
    • Suzan
    • Liferob
    • Faisal Al-Menaiya
  3. jenkins
  4. Andy
    • Ali
  5. AZ
  6. Allen Schilling
  7. Cody
  8. Steve
    • Vicky
  9. Tony
  10. Deb
    • Yessis
  11. Rochelle
  12. Onelast drink on me
  13. Alpha Bro
    • Mellowtornado
    • Susan Swalm
  14. Sandy Caruso
    • Pete
  15. Ivan
  16. Suraj Lama

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